Sometimes, often times, it isn't fair...

There's some sort of feeling floating deep within me and I can't seem to get what it is. It's this sickness of going-with-the-flow. Sure, it eliminates sleepless nights driven by too much unnecessary thoughts, but at the end of the day, it sure helps to know what it is I really feel. This girl once said that I am fabulously talented at pretending--hiding. I knew she was right. There are instances where I see it boldly etched in me. The fact that I can't cry in front of the people that really matter to me, the reasons why I constantly run away from things and people that make me feel uncomfortable and why it's so difficult for me to apologize and eat my pride with those that I REALLY care about. I am someone who hides, who's hidden in so many ways, and who's damn aware of this reality within me. Maybe this is why I can't find love-- Maybe it's because I can't find me... They say that you can only find love if one knows thyself. What if it takes me forever to find me...? It's not so easy, isn't it? The time it takes to learn about yourself... It's like doing immense researching on your given project or a thesis-- Preparing yourself for the final deliberation-- You don't wanna get caught with questions you know nothing of.

Failure is not an exception.

You have to defend yourself-- when should one quit researching and over-analyzing herself? The truth is... I don't know? I don't know... I care to know but I don't care to know... I love but I don't love...
...me.