Goblins. Witches. & Ghosts.

Happy Halloween! Dinner was great. The whole family attended. I haven't seen everyone for quite a while so it was nice. Glad I came. Glad my mother forced me to come. 2 more days until the beach-- can't wait! Naaah. I'm being sarcastic here. Or... sorta? Okay, I love what the beach has to offer so maybe I shouldn't be so negative about it, huh? All right then. Off to the beach on thursday morning and although 'she's' not gonna be there this year, i'll find a way to make the trip worthwhile.

Oh and this song's been stuck in my head all day-- so i'm just gonna paste the lyrics here. :) It's called 'secret oath' by spill canvas... Check it out on my pandora account ('thebrattydesign')

"Secret Oath"
I'm rackin my brain
trying to comprehend
how, for some unknown reason, our status will remain as friends
I'm destroying my mind trying to understand
how with little to no effort you've got me eating out of the palms of your hands
There was not a single spark when my lips landed on yours in the dark,
but regardless of what happens next
you're my beloved, you just don't know it yet
Tonight I made a secret oath
to keep chasing after you
and I am not going to stop
whether you like it or not

We're murdering our lives trying to make it work,
but you and I both know that we are a lost cause
and nothing more than specks on this Earth

There was not a single spark when my lips landed on yours in the dark,
but regardless of what happens next you're my beloved,
you just don't know it yet

Tonight I made a secret oath to keep chasing after you and I am not going to stop whether you like it or not Tonight I made a secret oath to keep chasing after you and I am not going to stop whether you like it or not

Yeah I know you listen to this all alone up in your room
I know you love how all this music's about you

Tears and Fears

"there are two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams; believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expect it..." -Coelho

Blood, tears and fears...
It's what stops us from moving forward--

*It's what stops me--

It's the barrier we all face--

*Turning around for the nearest exit

It blocks us away from what we truly want...

I'm done.
She's done.
*

Book closed.

In for a kill--
Maybe I should just quit?

Opening my eyes for the target.
I don't know what I want any longer...

She's happy now--

I should too.

Wake up...

Just f*ckin' wake up.

South of Nowhere

You've gotta watch this show! It's waaaaaay awesome!! I loooove Ashley!
Can someone say... Hottie!

*i'm gonna be posting more videos soon...!*

Under the street light

Me.

Just me.

I've quit.

It makes me

Feel better.

Stronger.

Happier.















Suffocating is overrated...

Say your last goodbye.

The last.

My last.

"Save your love for the lasting one"

Picture me-- I picture you...

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May gods love be with you
Always
May gods love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You cant keep awake

May gods love be with you
Always
May gods love be with you

cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You

I dont know anymore
What its for
Im not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe youre not even sure what its for
Any more than me

May gods love be with you
Always
May gods love be with you

I want my own...

Earth

Light

Sky

Sun

Run

60 dollar NY chucks

Soccer shoes digging holes into the earth,
Eyes set on the sky, beads of sweat from the heat of the sun,
Run...
Run these thoughts away--
So you still miss her...
The unknown finally gives into the light
Now you see
Now you understand
Ipod in hand
Superman
'It's not easy to be me'

Shut up
Keep watching
Wait
Eyes Open
Listen
Pray
Dream
Play
Stay
That
There
Here
Where?
When?
Who
Will
Be
Around
*
Love
&
Hate
...
:)

Alone time :)

The days have been great even with an empty love life. Maybe this is exactly what people need sometimes. It isn’t a someone or anyone—it’s ourselves. I mean, how hard could it be to find oneself. Sit anywhere you choose and you’ll surely find... YOU.

I’ve been out a lot—it always helps to go out spontaneously. You know what I mean, right? It’s when you don’t even know where you’re going… it’s simply just going where the world takes you. It’s the kind of phenomenon that ‘gets to you’—the healing effect of it and a strong reminder that planning things in advance gets bloody old and boring.

I bumped into someone unexpectedly last Friday night. She was someone I had a ‘pretend’ crush on. It was stupid really… it was only because I wanted Alex outta my mind. Anyway, past is past—I bumped into her and I don’t know. She’s pretty awesome. But like I said, I don’t know just yet. Don’t ask me because I am one fickle minded woman and damn. Just… Shhh… don’t ask me.

Just the other day, I had lunch with Carrie. It was fun—Japanese food is always something to look forward to and so we had lunch at this little nice Japanese restaurant in the mall.

We watched the Departed afterward—I highly recommend this movie so get your ass off that chair your sitting on and hit the cinemas! It’s one great movie!

I'm leaving for the beach in a couple of days and so i'm excited about it. The thing is, still got no one special to take with me-- we'll see... we'll see.

The song that keeps playing in my head...lemme share it with ya guys!

Never Leave Your Heart Alone
Butterfly Boucher

And it's open
For distraction
You found all the words you need
Well I found nothing
I just grumble
'cause I don't know what I feel

The moral to the story goes
Never leave your heart
Never leave your heart... alone

Run for shelter
An umbrella
Fights the rain but not the wind
And I'd be silly
To start preaching
'cause I don't know which point to make!

The moral to the story goes
Never leave your heart
In a box
Locked up
With cold cold ice

Never leave your heart
...Never leave your heart... alone

Am I frozen?
But it's summer!
Is that rain or is it me?
Yes I'm melting
Please be happy
One day
We just might swim

The moral to the story goes
Never leave your heart
In a box
Locked up with cold cold ice

Never leave your heart
...Never leave your heart
Never leave your heart... alone

I stand by the door-- Attached and unwanted.

Attached and disturbed by your presence.

Attached--

How I got here...
It lies beyond the borders of reason--

I know nothing of how I was cast here...

And now I wait in silence for your return...

Somewhat attached--

In simpler and honest terms... Yes. Plain attached. Attached for all the right and wrong choices of being in this place...

In dreams, I might somehow find you--
Until I wake,
You... no longer there...

The friends that keep me sane... :)

*Eating grilled cheese, fries and chinese take-out... cramming for this stupid project at school... laughing at a Johnny Depp Paperdoll (don't ask why!) :) , singing nostalgic backstreet boys and spice girls songs... taking breaks watching Angelina Jolie and Idina Menzel interviews and video clips, listenin' to the freakin soundtrack of memoirs of a geisha... My friends... These two friends of mine are irreplaceable!

If there comes a person in my life-- these two would have to be the judge. Knowing me, when I fall... I fall without a head to balance the body that carries my crazy heart.. hahaha!
Cheesy Ass! I'm just waaaay happy they're here to stay! :)

And in times when we forget about everyone else but ourselves, it helps to watch a person give so much… care so much… love so much-- because it brings us to remember that the world is not ours alone, and that there are people who need more than we do.

…That at the end of the day, we must not always complain in the comfort of our homes, for there are those who suffer a far greater deal of pain in the outskirts of our tiny, egoistical worlds.

…I’m gonna meet Angelina someday.

My so-called perfect life... ya right!

This song goes out to every 'blinded' girl and boy...
To me...
To you...
To her...
To him...

Whatelse is left to do...?
Open your eyes.... :)







"Open Your Eyes" Snow Patrol

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
Cos they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

What does it take?

‘To be found.

How long will it take to be found?

We all sit on the ground waiting…

Waiting for someone to choose us.

Pick me.’

I’m sleepy outta my mind but I don’t wanna log off unless I post something up. I guess today was a good day. I went to school, saw my blockmates, some friends, some close friends, some prospects… hmmmm… it’s crazy hell that only a few people KNOW about me. However, I don’t really care if people find out. The only people I’m really concerned about are my parents. What will they think? Will they understand? Will they accept me for me?

It somehow tears me and the things that I want and dream for myself… I remember talking to Alex about these two roads. One road that leads off to the road of my parents’ wishes for me and the other, off to the direction towards my own true happiness.

I know that whatever happens, I’ll have to choose my parents. I don’t know why, but I think it’s because I love them too much… I may not show it, but I do.

But maybe I just haven’t found that person yet…

Maybe there still might be hope.

We’ll see.

We’ll see…

--Take me to the beach. I need to clear my mind. 2 weeks!

sometimes things happen for a reason... (come on, we all know that!) maybe this was a good thing. maybe I shouldn't have made a move on my sister's friend-- ha! yeah... talk about desperation. still. I should sit and wait this out. :)

damn. break's coming up soon and i'm so ready to hit the beach, get a new bikini, and hot new boardshorts! *sigh* I wanna zap myself to next, next week!

so this is what I get for over-analyzing my actions and my thoughts. I become psycho. so what? it's fun to be crazy sometimes.

my deal with myself:

i'm gonna quit looking and start LIVING.

that's just that. I owe it to myself and the friends that keep me glued to earth...

I'm happy, ya know? I really am.
for once, I see Fate on my side whether these happenings mean something or nothing at all...

peace out.
see ya'll tomorrow.

Save me the Golden Egg

I haven't written anything in the past few weeks... Why's that? I've decided to write only when I'm happy-- I can't continue this sad journey any longer. I can't breathe this way... I can't move... I can't think. Life is far easier when you've got a head strong gameface... a happy gameface. One that wills to survive-- one who wills to make things happen for herself! That's gonna be me. Save me the Golden Egg... You've been to one of those Easter Egg Hunts--With your decorated basket at hand, you KNOW you want it. The Golden Egg. The First Prize! It doesn't change. There are people BORN to win these contests, games... whatever you wanna call it. There are people who don't-- not because they're unlucky, but they just don't know what they want... Believe me when I say this... you can actually GET everything you want if you put your mind to it. To that girl who wants her girlfriend back, you have to WANT her back-- don't quit if you don't wanna lose her. That's just that. Eye on the PRIZE. Search for the Golden Egg-- it's waiting for you, it's waiting for me, it's waiting for all of us... It all depends on who wants it the MOST.

I want MY Golden Egg... and I will find it--