the artist--

i put you on top.
you wanna stay below.
always below.
why below?
you like sailing below everyone else.

i don't understand you.
sometimes.
most of the time you don't understand me too.
but what the heck?
we're okay...

man.
we're always okay...


but what you don't see.
is that i hear you silently.

i hear your every word.

what hurts is that you don't trust.
trust that i hear...
that i feel.
that i understand.

stop double-checking.


layers and layers of your self-involved standards.


yes. okay. i know. i understand.
people need their own time to think, to move, to speak their minds.

sensitivity?
i've blown all of my feelings in a balloon
ready to pop.

you speak like you know everything.
you listen like you know everything.
why.
why is that?

is it because you do know everything?

don't turn this around.
please don't turn this around.
don't even accept this.
cos it ain't acceptable.
don't swallow this like i know you would.
just hear it.

these are my thoughts.
my thoughts of you.

at least in this silence.
i don't hear you trying to defend yourself.
for in your defense my words
these words
would timidly rearrange themselves
in hope of your approval.

lets just say i'm tired of trying to please you
trying to look for my worth.

you might think you feel small around me,
well guess what?
you're wrong.
it's the other way around.

you.
yeah.
you hurt me.
i must have hurt you too.

but hurt.
hurting.
damn overrated.

this fucking feeling is overrated.
in a year or so, we'll hardly know--
we'll hardly know...

just...
just trust me, okay?

it ain't about owning you...
it ain't nothin' about it...
jesus christ.
wake the hell up.

you are who you are.
why do you think i chose you?

take a pill

How do you fall for someone who loves you far more than you love him… even her? Is there a technique? Is it time? Is it waiting for the right opportunity? Does it come? Will it come? Is there reason enough to believe that it is possible?

Because I haven’t seen it—

Others have though. They live through it and die with the thought that love can come in late. It can come in a way a snail can get itself on a wall 2 meters off a ground. The process immensely slow—and yet, it still lands on its desired destination.

Honestly, I have no patience when it comes to love. Either it’s there, or it isn’t. Either I feel it or I don’t. It neither blossoms nor grows. It just is. And I can’t ever fool myself to believe it will come because it never has—and I don’t think it ever will.

Is this selfish of me?

Is my love that important?

Maybe that’s why I haven’t found that person… whoever that person is. Maybe that’s why I keep sticking around watching people fall in and out real love without ever touching one or experiencing it. Do you know that feeling? The feeling of knowing something and yet you never experienced it in your life? The feeling of knowing you’ve tasted something and yet you’ve never once put it in your mouth?

That’s exactly the feeling I get.

...but maybe just maybe i've felt it once
maybe i just never believed in it.

Exit

I need to find an exit and quick
All these damn rush of thoughts
Blocking everythin' from view--

One minute i'm okay, the next; God knows what.
I can't keep living this way--

Whatever.
I'm just glad to be home.

Bloody stressed...

i need sleep.
can i please sleep now?

2 days to go--
wait, maybe 3...

i need some sleep.
some real deep sleep.

good night.

Angelina Jolie Or...

Pick...

...Angelina Jolie or a Porsche?


Angelina Jolie or a million dollars?


Angelina Jolie or houses all over the world...?


Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt?


Angelina Jolie or having to look like Angelina Jolie?


Angelina...

*sigh*

I'd pick Angelina :)


But i promised my twin that i wouldn't pick Angelina over her! so... I guess it's my twin over Angelina! haha!

Stopped Lookin'

i've got my piano--
me and piano.
trying to play a song for her.
her favorite song.
her song for 'her'.

but yeah.
like i said, i stopped lookin'.

so basically i don't care anymore.
if she's happy...
if she's sad...

this ain't being bitter.

this is just reality.
my reality.

and as selfish as it sounds, it isn't.

because i catch myself sitting,
playing the piano
memorizing the piece
her favorite piece...

*
you know how people say they're over certain people
when in fact, they're not?

it's funny.

and crazy how we all fool ourselves to believe certain things--

Move on

'move along, move along like i know ya should!'

it's great to be alive...
so much to say,
so much to do,
so many things to be grateful for

it's an infinite world--

it's so great to be alive...

thanks for makin' me realize.

i needed this wake-up call.

*Sometimes...

"What you feel only matters to you.
It's what you do to the people you say you love---
That's what matters."
-The Last Kiss

There are some things in life that will forever be masked from our eyes...

There are some things that carry no answers...
There are some things that we'll never understand...

---

But at the end of the day,
Life has to go on...
Life waits for nothing...
Life waits for no one.

Run.

I think it's about time I start chasing it again.

Leave me to sleep and forget...

cupcake...

yeah, you're my cupcake...
you'll always be my one and only cupcake...

my besty.

my best.


i love you...

i'll always love you...

it isn't easy, you crazy crazy boy...
you know i'm gonna get you for this...
you know i will...
because you're damn crazy, crazy like me.

so who will i text at 2 in the morning?
who's gonna go throw mud balls at me in our made-up 'garden of eden'?
who am i gonna sleep on on the phone?
or miss call me 13 times???
or buy me surprise gifts?
or cheer me up?
who's gonna love me the way you did...?

who...?
who... ... ...
did you think of that?
... no.

nobody but you... cupcake.

i'm starting to miss you, you know that?

keep me strong, cupcake...
i feel weak...
why'd you have to leave, huh?

didn't you say we were gonna go out?

you said you'd wait for me
where are you now?

tears in my eyes.
first guy to make me cry this way.

my best.

you'll always be my best.

you'll always be the best.

i loved you...
i love you...
i'll always love you...

i'll keep you safe, i promise...
the way you made me feel safe--

i just wish you were still here...
my best. my very best.