Gap

I want you...

I let you go...
I'm the fool--
I let you go...
Now i'm missing you

Going crazy
Lack of sleep
I can't eat
Nothing

No you--
Cos it'll always be you

I want you
I want you back...

Punish me for all this
I'll understand

Whatever it takes
Whatever it takes...

I'll find a way to win you back.

Where to?

you and me...
you and me...
me and you...
me and you...

fuck.
i'm an asshole.

me and you...
me and you...
you and me...
just you and me...

together...
just us...
always us...

why did i look the other way?

how could i?
why?

attention--
sometimes i crave the attention

fuck.

what an excuse...
to hurt the one you love.
to hurt the one I LOVE--

what now..?
where to?
what next?

forgiveness?
trust...?

here--
throw it in the waste bin

i made a mistake.
a big mistake.
an awful mistake.

selfish little girl--
fuckin' selfish little girl.

i deserve this.
whatever comes next.
consequences.

we're broken.
you're broken...

i'm sorry...
i'm so so sorry...

Growth

growth...
maybe i've grown a bit--
and it's silly because i can actually feel it.
i feel it inside of me.
i feel the growth around me.

haven't called my best friend in a year
and yesterday i did.
we talked...
and finally listened.

there are some things that we tend to overlook
that we tend to just take for granted

i've done my part.
and i guess i'm just through with it.

i wanna live.
start living and stop regretting.
quit being so cautious and just go with it--
quit hiding and just be deliriously happy.

and i am.
i think i am.
maybe i even believe that i am.

it's her.
she's grown too--
and her growth makes me proud she's mine.
she's gone a long way
...our relationship has too
we needed it--
"the fall"
but now we're back.
which is clearly all that matters.

Playmate :)

everyone needs a playmate :)
someone who'll cheer you up
someone who'll make your day
someone who'll take you away from bittersweet reality

she's my playmate...
my favorite playmate
my 'bestest' playmate

lets play make-believe, okay?
and pretend we live in the same country.

lets play make-believe okay?
okay...?

it's never to late to play... :)

Real Life. Fake Life.

...The stares.
...Stress
This is who I am--
There are times I wanna fight for it
Times when I just wanna run
Run cos it's easy.
Run because it's the fastest way out

Who am I kidding?

I am such a coward--
I am a coward.
It's depressing and sad.
Now I feel sorry for myself.

What a cruel place to live in--
What a cruel body to live in.

People say that you should love yourself--
People say that you shouldn't love yourself too much because if you do,
you'll be considered selfish.
People say...
People say........
What does it matter
Nothing matters.

So what is the right way to live?
Is there such a thing?
Could there be such a thing?
A world without rules
A world with rules.
Where do I belong?
How I will belong?

The people I love the most
Do they love me?
And if they did...
Will they still LOVE me?

I am chained and I am free.
I am clothed and I am naked
I am brave and I am scared
I live two lives
But I live in but one body

I just wanna be happy
I just wanna be with her
Can't YOU just allow it?
Can't you all just let it be...?

I am tired. I don't know who else to please--
Let me be.
I love her--
Just please let me be....

I can't believe i'm posting this... buut

...I love my girl :)

Lovin' It.

if you find real, mind-blowing love
someone you laugh with
someone you can laugh at
someone who laughs at you for the craziest things you do--
if you can sit on a couch and watch
the stupidest 'suspense' movies or thrillers just so you have an 'excuse' to cuddle up--
stay. don't leave. she's perfect...
:)

Silent days

staring into empty chapters
staring into space
string us back together
back together.
*sigh*
together?

these scissors that i've carried all my life--
it hurts too much.
cut cut cut
cut away the pain inside.

i need you
i don't need you
i need you
i know i need you--

fickle. fickle. fickle

cut away the pain

what the heart says
what the mind says

...

The World Without...

can i hide in the corner, close my eyes and just disappear?
can i stay here and try to persuade myself that everything will be all right?
all it takes is time.
time---

this is the waiting period.
you no longer there
me no longer there
we no longer an us.

where?

i still--

where do we go from here.
how do i start over again?
with you no longer around
how?

my friends think i'm perfectly fine.
no time to show any sign of weakness.
i'm moving...
i've got to.
even if i don't want to.
i've got to.....

One. Just One.

it's hard to explain everything--
i have no words left to say.
i'm tired and i feel restless.
i don't wanna feel.
i don't wanna breathe either.
i just wanna sit here and stay still.

is it just me or is everything suddenly in slow motion.
trying to find a reason
something to believe in.

i have nothing left
i have no one left.
i am alone.
alone again.

and it feels---
how does it feel?
it feels like i've gotta be strong again...

Yours... :)

This day has been so damn long! So nothing much. Just felt like writing :) Baby, you better watch rent cos Maureen and Joanne fight exactly the way we do minus the singing! hahaha! Anyways, nothing much babe! You know I love you! mmmmmwah!

Me and You... :)

We have to talk...
I have to tell you something
Look at me-- :)
Promise me you wont frown or sigh?

ya prrrromise???


Okaaay...


your pet's gonna be very busy this week...

very
very very busy--

think you can wait for your pet to finish her work? :)

Love lots,

your lovable pet...Muffy :)

Think--

Think.
Think.
Come on now-- Think!
I gotta think straight.
Gotta make this work.
'and being caught in between all you wish for and all you need'
I don't know where to turn any longer.
A plastered smile on my face.
I've mastered it.
I've gotten used to it--
It doesn't hurt to pretend any longer
It is my mask.
My protection.

I have never loved this much.

Where is she...?
My love?
Where has she gone off to?
Have you seen my love?

I think I pushed her away...
I think...
I think...

I shouldn't think.

A rush of pain--
Numb yourself
Come on.
I've done this countless times before.

Don't hurt...
Don't breathe..
Just don't--

Feelings that won't ever die--
Just you...
Just me.
Just us...

I miss you-- :,(
so so much

Just because i'm such a kid... :)

*this is the monsterism collection :) check out the blue horse lookin' thing!*

*looks familiar?? my first designer toy*

*tokidoki collection*

i don't know why but these toys make me real happy-- it's probably the love for design and art :)



if you wanna know more about these toys, check these links out :)
http://www.monsterism.net/links.html
http://www.kidrobot.com/

Back to you...

how do i find my way back to you?
back to how it all was?
how do i take away the pain and make it better?
how can i make it better for you?

i never meant to hurt you this much
break my promises...
i never...

forgive me?
forgive me...

i will always find my way back to you--

i love you my babyy...

Will you remember?

i don't understand--
fear?
i'm scared--
i'm scared of making it without you
i wanna pull you back...
i wanna hold you
hold you so close and never let you go

but the future...
it scares...
it scares me
so so much

i don't want you to go
but i have to go
how selfish can i get?
how can put a stop to this?
set you free
set you free so you can live a better life.

what is this pain?

i'm restless...
i'm weak.
i'm nothing without you--

what the fuck is wrong with me...?

god, i need you--

*A world without a purpose

it's not that i don't know...
not that i never felt it...
please know...
please know......
please just know......
follow your instincts...
the connection that has always existed
will never cease
will never ever cease to exist...

so as my love for you...
my love for you...
all my---

it hurts...
i don't want to...
but i have to....
i really have to--

it hurts so so much...

i woke up so early today...
earlier than usual--
and i craved so much to be beside you--
i wanted to hold you hand,
kiss you...
touch you...
i love everything about you--
but reality...
sweet sweet reality...

something had already been done...
something that had already ripped your heart...
you and me apart--

why do bad things happen to good people?
you are the good one...
the perfect one...
you are the one....

forgive me...
please forgive me for hurting you this way...
please please please.... my....
my--
it hurts so much not to be able to call you mine...

don't forget...
please don't forget...
please please don't ever forget
never forget...
because i won't...
i won't ever--

never again.
not with anyone.
it's you--
it'll always be you---

how can i get through this?
walk without you?
how can i not love you
when it lives so so so deep within me...
you know within your heart
search down within your heart
and you will find the answer
it's not easy
it's not easy to go----
it's never gonna be easy to walk away
it's never gonna be easy
never...

i'm sorry...

this is for us---

i will find a way.......
i will always find a way....
and if the time comes that you still might love me...

...
...
...

thank you....so so much.

keep my heart--
keep it...
it's yours...
it has always been yours....

Hit the pause button

how does it feel when you're gone? i don't wanna rummage through my thoughts-- i don't wanna think. i don't wanna feel. i don't wanna move. i don't want anything else but you. it scares me to think. it scares me to move. it scares me to breathe, to feel... i don't wanna feel. i wanna sit here and be numb but i'm not. i can't. i keeping feeling-- feeling you in every inch of my body, my soul. so close and yet so far. that's how it's been in my world the moment i got into that cab yesterday afternoon... i drove away and my heart broke into a million pieces watching you fight of 'reality'. watching myself fight off the pain that that was to be the last time-- the last time until...

'life is full of surprises'... we never know what's to come.

i can still taste you... i can still feel you, smell you... i can love you, you know? i can love you forever. some people have stopped believing in forever. jaded by bad experiences. but i do believe in forever. i do believe in it most especially when it comes to you.

we fit so well and it's undeniable. the way we are. the way we are when we're together. everything just falls into place. we're the lucky ones, aren't we? bounded by love and unkindly separated by distance. how are we to thank life? how are we to thank Fate? how are we to thank for Fate... or Life to be cruel and kind?

i love you.
i'll always love you.

i do believe in the 3 weeks we had together we grew. we really grew.

i grew.

my love for you grew.

<3>

isn't it crazy?
isn't ours the craziest?

you.
the one.
the one worth fighting for...

I love you so so much baby

Lemme...

Sleep outside your door....
Love you till the end...
My turn to wait.
My turn to wait....

...

Where?

When?

How?

Where have you gone
Gone...?
Are you gone?

Existence is tricky
I don't know where to look

You.

I still love you...
I miss you..................

:(

2 weeks

In 2 weeks...
*sigh*

In 2 whole weeks, you'll be here...
and we can finally hold each other once again.

It feels surreal...
So near yet so far...

I can't believe it's coming soon
You're coming home
Coming home to me

I'm happy babyyy...
Thank you for making me so damn happy!

Pick your target

the girl...
that girl...
you see her??
you want her???
you want her too??

yeah, that's the girl..
the girl who makes my heart stop--
she might be the one who makes yours too...


yeah...
she does?
so you know her?

oh...so ya do?


she's mine... :)

Send Her An Angel

"Send her an angel to guide her fragile heart. To dry those tears that fall in the dark. Send her an angel to hold her through the night. To bring her love and show her light.

It's a crazy world she's livin' in tonight
Show her grace, tender mercy, hold her tight...

I know the shadows will fade when the light drifts away. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay...
And the dark will give way to a brand new day.

Send her an angel to kiss her hallow eyes
Tell her, she's your beautiful child
Send her an angel to whisper to her soul
She's not aloof and please let her know

It's a crazy world she's livin' in tonight
Show her grace, tender mercy, hold her tight."

(baby's prayer tonight...)

Starting Line

school starts tomorrow--
whoa.
i don't even wanna think about it.
excited but not so excited.
a little scared
and not so scared...
it's always been this way.
everything new, scares me.

people say i'm strong
that i'm brave
am i?
what is bravery?
what is strength?

funny.
this is the way school affects me.
i don't know.
do you?

i can say i had a good summer--
a different one.
one that changed my life
one that renewed my spirit
one that made me whole again

i thought i'd never be able to experience all these things
but this summer brought me to it
to you-- :)

now i know you're worried
that i might take you for granted...
that i might slowly slip through your fingers
unknowingly...
the work
separate it from us.
you're the one that keeps me working... going.
i move through this crazy world because of you--
i have purpose now
to work harder
to be the best that i can be...

yea
it's because now i've got you--
my baby...
hahaha!
i sound pregnant.
maybe i am.. :)
yours?

love..
smile now
you're my life
trust me on this--

anyways, hopefully this school year will be a good one
can't wait!

thank you summer!
come back soon!

hello work!
don't kill me too much!

Only You..

only you can take away the pain
my fears...
everything that makes me feel uncertain.

Can I love you forever?
Cos I'll love you forever...

Opening...

Opened by box
So you could see
My past
Your present

I know what you're going through...
I'm here with you--

Always...

I love...

I love my girl...
Please don't take her away from me...

I was...

sorry about the sad girl picture-- trust me, complete opposite of what im feeling at the moment! :)
my girlfriend made me sooo happy today! she's damn hilarious! everyone should have a girlfriend like her! Oh but don't get me wrong... i ain't sharing! haha! anyways, i was checking her blog and i came across her 'copied questions entry' and decided to copy it-- yes, babe.. i am a copycat! I love you boobiiieee!! I love you my tipsy woman! Mwah, mwah mwah!

1. Yourself: what am i? deliriously happy!

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend? booooobieee, babyy, bay, twinnieee, tink, s... pusssyyy hahaha!

3. Your hair: getting longer but i think i wanna trim it

4. Your mother: my best friend and worst enemy :)

5. Your father: my dad's old school cool

6. Your favorite item: my laptop and call cards

7. Your dream last night: quite abstract--

8. Your favorite drink: vodka tonic and beer

9. Your dream car: a black porsche

10. The room you are in: living room

11. Your ex: who???

12. Your fears: i don't think of them.. i live!!

13. What you want to be in 10 years: rich, famous...with my babyy and our cute little golden retrievers :) oh yeah and a we have to have a house too! a modern one!

14. Who you hung out with last night: my painter who's painting my room gray

15. What you're not: poser

16. Muffins: huh? muffins what? i like muffins! i think?

17: One of your christmas wish list items: well, i think i'd want a... nice white rug

18. Time: nighttime

19. The last thing you did: talked to my best friend

20. What you are wearing: brown sleeveless top and my army fox shorts

21. Your favorite weather: a breezy cloudy weather

22. Your favorite book: the zahir

23. The last thing you ate: i don't know what it's called.. haha!

24. Currently, your life is: perfect!

25. Your mood: uhhh... ask my girlfriend :)

26. Your best friend: is sad right now :(

27. What you are thinking about right now: july july july july july july!!!

28. Your car: ya mean my car... NEEDS to be a porsche or a black range rover!

29. What you are doing at the moment: typing and thinking

30. Your summer: my summer was awesome!

31. Your name: is short and suuuuhweet!

32. What is on your tv: it's not on

33. Last time you laughed: just a while ago

34. Last time you cried: last Saturday in the beach... :(


dear baby, don't kill me cos i was seriously trying to figure out this whole new blogger beta thingymahjig but i didn't wanna risk getting killed by you! haha! soooo.. see ya later love! I love you!

Check this.. :)

ya know how art speaks to you?
this piece did :)
funny how the girl ate all her words..
wonder what those characters mean...

Scream

silent screams--

...always

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking at yourself out there

Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that theres time to grow, hey, hey

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
Im afraid that she might think of me as plain ol jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone
Conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the milky way

Questions

what is it that you don't trust?
droppin' all signals...
hearing you out--
listening..
why doubt?

i don't say much
because i don't wanna say much
it's not that i don't listen
i just don't want this whole thing to 'blow up'--

please have faith in me
i need that from you--

i love you

Twinnie... :)

I know you're supposed to be tinkerbelle...
but just use the plane and get here quick
i'm loving you forever...
no matter what.
I love you S

Suddenly..

Suddenly I don't give a fuck any longer.
what paint to use
what color
how to arrange this fuckin room
what to fucking add--
what bedsheets to choose...

it's fucked
you raped it
and it no longer belongs to me.

fuck you

no one asked you to change anything--

My Answer...

If you wanna know exactly how i felt last night
lemme try and put it into words

cliche-ish
my world stopped
i didn't know what to say
what to think...
where to begin
and how to begin again
all my plans thrown into a waste bin
for a first,
i felt numb and scared.

in my whole entire life
i've never felt so lost
so alone
so scared

maybe because i've never loved anyone as equally enough...
as i do now with you--

the last thing on my mind
was losing you
and yesterday
it stared me straight in the face.

taunting me
making me doubt
making me think about whether this was right or not

i just couldn't stand being the one to hurt you

but the mind can play dirty tricks on us

i had to depend on my heart--

i knew i loved you
i knew i wanted you and only you...
i knew that it could ONLY be you
i knew that i couldn't--
i just couldn't be without you.

and so i told you
i told you that i wouldn't leave
and that even if you would
i'd still be around
no bitterness
no sign of hatred
nothing
just because

just because you are who you are
just because you're you
just because i love you and just you.

it's been you
and i've known this since way back

so forgive me for all my flaws and imperfections
i ain't perfect
but i am trying--
i know that's hard not to doubt because of my past
but you are my present
you are my present now
and pray that you will one day be my future
if you'd just let me...

you might never realize the kind of impact you've brought into my life
for a first
someone real
someone very very real to me--
someone i know that i truly love and respect
someone...
Yes, you

Do you speak the truth? Do you tell me everything, without keeping anything from me?


Yes, my sweet sweet darling

For it will always be you
and it will never end--
For whatever happens,
whatever is bound to happen to us
do know that I love you.
Completely.
For you--
All of you...
All 999 pieces of you
Whole-Heartedly...
All of Me
Every little piece of me.
All yours to keep for as long as you want
and I will always always find a way back to you.

There is no reason to doubt now, baby--
I am yours.
All yours.

I love you

So close...

I can’t sleep

A billion thoughts of you—

A billion thoughts of us…

Of what could have been.

I can’t sleep

I can’t believe how close

I can’t imagine you ever..

Gone—

But we held on, didn’t we???

Cos we’re such a good thing, you and I—

Only we know this.

Only we understand.

We both…

Us both…

Just you and I ;)

What I did today..

did this while you were at work
cos i had nothing to do at home

so yeah.
i drew this crazy picture for you :)

it's our future home on top of a tree...
like it?
:)

what do you think?

wanna come up and live with me?

Don't think... Never think--

trying to find anything that would make me forget--
anything

not anyone
not anyone else

anything that could possibly make this...
feel better

59 days left...

sleeping
waking
without you

turning to check my phone
one message from you

the world to me

Here it goes.

How does it feel to know you're everything I need
The butterflies in my stomach
They could bring me to my knees
How does it feel to know you're everything I want
I've got a hard time saying this
So I'll sing it in a song

Oh I adore the way you carry yourself
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt
When we become one
When we become one
When we become one
When we become one

How does it feel
How does it feel when we get locked into a stare?
Please don't come looking for me
When I get lost in the mess of your hair
How do you feel when everything you've known
Gets thrown aside
Never fear, my dear, 'cause we have nothing left to hide

Oh I adore the way you carry yourself
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt

Hold on to me girl
If you feel your grip getting loose
Just know that I'm right next to you
Hold on to me girl
If you feel your grip getting loose
Just know that I won't let you down

Well, I'm ready
Well, I'm ready
I am ready
To run away with you
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
To run away with me

Pack your things we can leave today
Pack your things we can leave today
Say our goodbyes and get on the train
Say goodbye
Just you and I in the sweet unknown
We can just call each other our home

If I had to choose a way to die
It'd be with you
In a goosebump infested embrace
With my overanxious hands cupping your face
In a goosebump infested embrace
With my overanxious hands cupping your cherub face

When?

it kills me...

Live Life Love

I Live...
My Life...
For One...

My Love.

Her.

Yah know... :)

I missed you a lot today..
And i thought about you a lot today...
And i think i'm gonna think more about you tomorrow
And the next day
And the next next day
And the next next next day--

I can go on baby..
Being such a crazy woman for you...
I can be whacked
Whacked enough to prove my love

Speaking of love..

Why do people always try to prove their love?
I don't know..?
Do you?
I honestly don't know?

Because if it's there, then it's there.
And if it's not.. it's not.

It would be quite obvious anyways, don't you think? :)

But the thing is with you
I love proving my love...
And I do believe I'll never get bored doing it
Because I love loving you
And I love seeing you happy
And I love making you laugh because your laugh is damn contagious--

:)

Baby, point is...
You made me hella miss you today!

<3

You stole my damn heart baby!
So don't you dare give it back! :)

Can you relate?

"Clare: It's hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. It's hard to be the one who stays.
I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way.
I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. I watch the wind play with the trash that's been under the snow all winter.
Everything seems simple until you think about it.

Why is love intensified by absence?

Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship.
Now I wait for Henry.
He vanishes unwillingly, without warning.
I wait for him.
Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity.
Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass.
Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting.
Why has he gone where I cannot follow?"

-The Time Traveler's Wife

Mine... :)

"You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words.."

-Chocolate :)

hope you had a good day, babe!
<3

Last thing...

first thing when i wake
last thing on my mind before i sleep
...
i'm in love with you.

i can't believe it's true.
but it is.

i never want us to fight baby.
it hurts when we do.
really does

i'm in love love love with you...

I feel...

*SUPER*
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER
SUPER

LUCKY

I
HAVE
YOU
...